Mā te kōrero, ka ora: A little chat can go a long way
In honour of Mental Health Awareness Week (27 September - 3 October), CVL Senior Consultant and Auckland Practice Lead, Tamara Mapp-Borren, shares her thoughts on the importance of small conversations.
The time that Ned and I get to talk, just the two of us, is somewhere between approximately 10.20pm – 10.37pm each night.
Ned is my partner and these precious moments come after our children’s bedtime, the kitchen is cleaned ready for the morning rush, and when we’re both feeling vaguely sorted for the day ahead. Ned makes a tea, we sit on the couch and we have a few minutes connecting in on our day. Then the animals curl up on our laps, Ned Chromecasts the latest SpaceX update and the soothing tones of You-Tubers send me to sleep.
Sounds like a mundane part of relationship life, right? However, I’ve learnt that this short window of conversation is crucial. It’s the time we connect on what’s important in our days, what’s important that’s come up for the kids, and what each of us need from each other. It’s the time I share my worries, my questions, we plan birthdays, share work stories, talk about world news, and connect on how friends and whānau are going.
“This year’s Mental Health Awareness Week theme mā te kōrero, ka ora focuses on the idea that “a little chat can go a long way” and on reflection there’s a lot of little chats that make a big difference in both my work and home life.”
Recognise the little moments and their importance
The trick I’ve discovered is in both ensuring these little moments happen and in recognising them when they do. For example:
Regular morning coffee: I discovered that the 10-minute regular morning coffee run across the road was one of the moments a colleague of mine looked forward to as the opportunity to connect. For me it had been the necessity of coffee, for them the chance to get to know me and to share what was happening in their world. Instead of multitasking my inbox on the run, I became more present, and our working relationship is better for it.
A good morning WhatsApp: The 2 minutes when I send a good morning WhatsApp to a friend of mine living overseas is a routine we’ve kept up for years, across different leadership roles, in different time zones. Some days it’s chatty, some days it’s simply an emoji, but it’s become our way of watching out for each other – if no text comes through, we know it’s a sign we’re not doing so great, and we reach out for a call.
Messages to connect: Colleagues and I from previous jobs still have a group chat that we originally used to take coffee orders for each other as we ran across the road between meetings. Now we use it for ad hoc messages to connect where we all take the few moments to keep each other updated on life, send whānau photos and talk about work. For relationships that would’ve naturally dispersed, it keeps us connected on both the good days and the tough ones.
Virtual check-ins: At CVL we have a weekly ritual of a Monday morning Stand Up which is a short virtual round table sharing two things – (1) how our weekend was and (2) what our week ahead looks like. There are big programmes of work, alongside belly laughs, tears or acknowledging how tired/flat/excited/sad/overwhelmed we might be at that time, for many a good reason. It keeps us connected and enables us to support each other whether it’s home or work that needs it.
Initiate small conversations
As humans we live wonderfully complex lives, and the ups and downs of mental health are a normal part of our every day. Each of us will have examples of the small chats that have made a difference to us over the past year - a year that has stretched our resilience and impacted our global mental health. As New Zealand recognises the importance of mental health this week, I encourage you to do two things:
1. Reflect on the small conversations that make a big difference in your world and what you can do to keep them going.
2. Get curious and initiate kōrero with those around you.
If you need some conversation starters, try one of these:
What’ve you felt proud of this week?
What’s playing on your mind at the moment?
What was the best thing you did this weekend?
What are your wins this week? (Home and work!)
What surprised you this week?
How can I support you this week?
What’s your rose and thorn today? (we do this with the kids, a rose is your best thing of the day, and a thorn is the worst).
If you need some ideas for starting wellbeing conversations with dispersed teams, here’s an article I wrote while leading Umbrella Wellbeing through lockdown last year.
A small moment for you, might be a big moment for someone else
The ripple effect of small conversations in my world have often gone far further than you’d ever know or expect. Small moments that have helped me make decisions, re-ground me, re-motivated me, let me cry/laugh, gave me the space to be me, reminded me I’m not alone and that many other leaders, parents and partners are feeling their own versions of the same things I am.
Leaders often ask me, “What else can I do to support my team?” I invite you to get to know your people and understand what’s important to them and their wellbeing.
It’s cool to kōrero. Go out there this week and make a difference with those small moments that matter.
For more resources, visit www.mhaw.nz
Couch cuddles